I was trying to put the pieces of my shattered life back together after the death of my husband by a sudden fatal heart attack while on a hunting trip in Colorado in September of '97. I took a 6 weeks leave from work, couldn't stand to be around people in my grief! Tried to take care of things that had to be done and just get through each day.

I decided to go ahead with the plans of the home we had always talked about, this helped to fill my days and to give me a purpose to go on with my life, of course I had a few other reasons too, a wonderful daughter and a beautiful grandson who was only 3 1/2 months old! He would need grandma now and vise versa! My daughter and her family decided to move in with me in April of '98 (so that they could save to buy a house). Needless to say along came a computer with them!

In July I placed a personals ad, I decided it was time to try to go on with my life, dated a widower twice and wasn't attracted to him at all and felt I wasn't ready for the dating scene yet! Big Mistake! I wasn't looking for a man, I prayed to God that if there was supposed to be a man out there somewhere to share my life with, then I would meet him somehow, somewhere, someday and I was leaving it all up to him!

August the 10th, the day we decided to go online changed my life forever! That evening we were doing random chat on ICQ, talking with a few guys, making new friends, not looking for a relationship - just friendship, when I spotted RB_Tony from NC who liked a lot of the same things that I did. So I decided to message him and chat to find out more about him! We seemed to hit it off right away, so much more in common and I felt it was safe, him being so far away from Penna and that we would never meet. I enjoyed chatting with Tony but we didn't chat much because I had to work the next few days.

When he found out I was a widow he was so compassionate and caring towards me and asked if I wanted to talk about it, so I told him what happened. This was the starting point for some feelings towards him. The more we chatted the more we were drawn to each other. I could pick up vibes and feelings through the PC for this man and vise versa!!

By Thursday night of the first week he asked me for my phone number. I was shocked and asked him "why"? I said we could talk cheaper this way! He says he likes to put a voice with a person. I told him I would have to think about it and let him know. I being a woman alone I had to be careful (he could be a rapist or ax murderer) anybody he wanted to be! I thought long and hard and decided it would be safe for me to call him because then I could block my number.

The next time I went online I was going to tell him I would call and low and behold he messaged me that he had to go away for the weekend. I was devasted and it was the longest weekend I had put in since my husband died! Every time I went online and he wasn't there I was disappointed and sad. Finally the long weekend was over and he came on about 11pm Sunday night, we chatted awhile and then I asked him for his number so I could call him and I explained why. He gave me his home and work number so I could check him out to be who he said he was! I felt from the beginning that he was telling me the truth all along. I just knew this in my heart!

I was so excited I felt like a teenager with a crush, he said to hurry that he was soooooooo excited too! I could hardly talk I was so nervous! The first time I heard his voice with that thick southern accent was fantastic! I could listen to Tony talk all day! It was a beautiful ending to a perpetually bad day (it would have been my 29th anniversary) Tony made it a lot better just being there for me! This was a turning point in the relationship and we weren't content to chat on the PC anymore, we had to hear each others voice thus the start of some HUGE phone bills for the both of us!! By the beginning of the next week he told me he thought he loved me, shocked the hell out of me! How can you love someone you have never met? Even though by this time I was having very strong feelings towards him too! It was really weird the bond we felt for each other!