Hi Andrea,
I was just browsing the internet being curious if there were others out there who had found real loves through the computer. I'm so happy I'm not the only one and now believe that not everyone will think I'm nuts for falling for a guy this way.

My story involves a lot of twists and turns and heartbreak but finally my love and I are on the right track thanks to our opening our lines of communication. It's not easy at all having a relationship of this nature because of the distance between us, but we've now been honest and searched our souls and discovered what we have is so special.

It all began back in September 2000. I had been very unhappy in my marriage for years and feeling lonely and desperately needed someone to talk to. I turned to the computer because of my busy life with my kids and attending college, I was unable to get out much. I was new at the chatting thing and curious what it was all about. I had chatted a couple times for about 2 weeks when one evening I received an instant message from a guy in the same room. I live in the United States and Emil lives in Australia. We had fun just flirting and telling each other about ourselves. I was really kidding around when I said I would love to hear his accent, so he said to give him my number and he would ring me up. Being the naive and unassuming person that I am, I gave it to him, but never really expected to hear from him because he said he would call in the morning. Well, when the phone rang the next morning I was in total shock and speechless. I'd never spoke to someone from so far away. That was just the beginning.

We said we would each send a photo soon. When I received his picture, I was in awe. He was simply gorgeous. We continued writing emails every single day, most times twice a day just to say good morning and good night to one another. We spent hours each week on the phone with each other, also. After about two weeks, that four letter word "love" emerged. It was so intense and beautiful. I woke up each morning with a new purpose -- to check my email and see what was going on in his life at that moment. He wrote the most beautiful and long letters. I had never had anyone shower that kind of attention on me. I returned the emails each day with just as beautiful words as his. This continued for another two weeks...

After knowing each other a full month, I told my husband how unhappy I had been and let him know I had fallen for someone over the net. He thought I was crazy and insisted the photo Emil had sent was not really him because he looked "too good" to be pursuing women with this method. My husband began causing problems for us and soon Emil turned away from me. He wouldn't return any of my emails. I was miserable for so long. I went most of October and November without contact with him. In the meantime, things with my husband went from bad to worse. He decided to move out and get on with his life. He began chasing women through the internet and locally, so I knew it was over with him for good.

I had stopped chatting because I had found out that the heartbreak was not worth it at all. One night I decided to get back on and try to find someone to talk to. I just happened to see that Emil was online. I began getting angry and wanting some answers as to why he would give me so much attention and say he loved me so much, then turn away. I entered the chat room under a false name to see if he would take the bait. It worked just like I had planned. I sent him a picture of someone else and asked for one in return just to see if he had lied to me. The photo he returned was nothing at all like the one he had first sent. I couldn't understand why he had done that to me. I was very angry at first...

We spent a few days chatting and exchanging emails. Sometimes we would spend hours in front of the computer chatting and getting to know each other. Well, at least I was getting to know him. Almost everything I told him was made up. I found I had gotten myself into something and didn't know how to get out. He was a truly wonderful person after all and I found out things about him he had never shared with me the first time. He was separated and had a little boy, but had told me before that he had never been married at all. It was killing me now that I was lying to him. I began trying to drop hints that maybe he shouldn't talk to me at all. He did become suspicious that I was hiding something when I would never call him or give him my number. I worked for over a week formulating the longest letter I had ever written him. I explained that I had never meant to hurt him or cause him pain, but that I had known him previously and was just searching for some answers. I never signed my name to that email. I also never thought I would hear back from him...

The next time I checked my mail, there were messages begging me to talk to him and let him explain what he had done. It didn't take him long to guess who I was. The next mail, he asked "are you Tammy?" He had figured out that it was me because of the writing style and length of my letters. He said he had sent a phony picture to me because he had never been secure about his own appearance. He also explained that because of the way things had happened with me the first time, he had never since sent a false picture and wanted people to know the real him. He let me know it hurt him so much to walk away from me the first time, but that he had done that because he had hoped my husband and I would work things out. He never wanted to be the cause of a broken home. I told him that my husband and I had separated and it had nothing to do with him, that it was something that had been going on for years.

He was so happy that I had accepted him the way he really was and told me he had never stopped loving me. We talked from the end of November until mid December as me pretending to be someone else. From then on, it was back to me and the real him. His attention wasn't as focused as the first time around and I began doubting that he was serious this time. We would write a couple times a week and call every now and then, maybe once every other week. I was once again feeling lonely, so I went out and met someone one night. I told Emil about my date and I could tell it sparked some jealousy. He asked me to please wait for him because he wanted to see me someday. I said I would, but when the letters became more sparse, I continued going out with the other guy, but never told Emil about it.

One day, Emil called me and asked if I had been back out with the other man. I couldn't lie and said I had. This started a five hour phone call full of tears and overflowing emotions on both our sides. He shared so much of what was inside him -- feelings he had, but never expressed before. He said he never went out with anyone because he knew I would always be here waiting for him.

This openess has made the world of difference in our relationship. It's now pure love and truthfulness. We share our most personal thoughts with each other and have found that we are more than lovers -- we're the best of friends as well. We've made promises to be true to each other while we're apart and to fulfill the meaning of the word love completely. I feel our hearts and souls are connected in an unexplainable way even though we've never met face to face. He reminded me of the phrase "if you set something free and it comes back, it was meant to be." Since he set me free the first time and I came back, he truly believes we were meant to be. I share this belief wholly and know that someday, I will be in his arms at last feeling his warm touches and sweetest kisses. We both long for that day to arrive and know it will be the most beautiful feeling in the world.

Tammy
North Carolina
USA